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Sunday, May 11, 2003

I just got shot down. I was feeling better today, after doing nothing yesterday, apart from watching tv, and reading a fiction book.

Today is Mother's Day. I slept late last night, so I woke up around 9 plus today, washed up and came online. Saw a couple of people, so talked to them. Then got a call from Auntie Vimala. She and her family were so very helpful when I first came over, scared and petrified of the medical interview. Anyway, she's throwing a surprise party for Uncle Nades, and she would like me present, so I'll be going over to Ascot (somewhere in Windsor/Heathrow that area) next Sunday. =) Then went to buy groceries with K, my housemate. It's really weird. Ever since the start of this year, we started buying food on our own, and whenever I asked her if she wanted to go buy food together, it's always a 'no'. Then today, she just came downstairs, and asked that same question. This time, it's the other way around! We used to buy food together for the past 2 years. Guess it's just strange....

Anyway, came home, then called home to wish my mum Happy Mother's Day. It's so sad, becoz my sisters didn't even bother. According to my mum, one thought it was only friday, the other was too tired and simply forgot. =( I mean, I know my mum can be really naggy at times, but that's the way she is. Both my sisters will say that I'm defending her becoz she dotes on me, and that I'm her favourite child, therefore I get all the good things from her. I guess, in a way, I was much more obedient and studious than my sisters, therefore she dotes on me more, but she also yells at me, nags me, etc. as well! And I DON'T get all the good things! For the things she brought back as well, she would give them to my sisters as well as me! Haiz... Just that my eldest sis hates the family, and my youngest sis is too stressed and busy with school. Sometimes, I think that mothers have a tough job. After all, she gave birth to us, and brought us up, hand-in-hand with my dad, so shouldn't she get the same respect and pride from us as well? I think all mothers deserve that from their children. Sadly, I just can't seem to change my sisters' perspectives on this. It just breaks my heart to see them treat my mum like that, coz I know that my mum hurts as well, to see the children she brought up treat her like that.

Talked to her for a bit, then talked to my dad. Told her about my results, and she was not pressuring. She just told me to try harder at the next exam. Whereas for my father, I got shot down. He was asking what went wrong, and although this was a tough paper, it is NO EXCUSE. Coz there will always be tough papers ahead of me, so that is no excuse to get low grades. A pass is not enough, especially since he's spending so much money to send me over here, he expects results. I mean, I KNOW that myself, but I can't always get high grades, and not fall at one occasion or another?!??! As Fajan puts it... it's better to fall now, than later on in the finals. I guess this is a good wake-up call for me. My dad told me that I can't play anymore, and had better work harder. He doesn't really want to hear about something like this again. At times like these, how I wish that I was the one paying for these. This way, at least it would be MY responsibility for my studies, and not as if I'm relying on someone, a feeling which I hate, coz you're dependent on someone, and therefore not in control of what you can do.

Anyway, was feeling really down after the phonecall, even though I was feeling better over the days which I knew my results. =( Gave a call to Deirdre, and she was so nice to cheer me up, even though she has a paper tomorrow. Sweet girl. Don't know what I'll do without friends like her, and I don't really know her for a long time... Like a year?? But the amazing thing is that we click like 'two peas in a pod'. =) Very seldom would I click with someone so well, and be so close. Think she's one of the closest friends I've had since JC. I've only had 2 others who were this close.

Had a nap, woke up, cooked dinner, watched a bit of tv, and showered. Now is 11pm, and I still haven't started on any work for the week. Especially since I will be booked up next weekend, from Friday to Sunday (therefore not being able to touch any work!!), this is NOT GOOD!! Where is my resolve and discipline??? Okay, I'll do one hour of work, before zzzing....

p.s. BTW, my leg still hurts from the sprain... i wonder what's the matter with my leg. It's been 1 week, and therefore should more or less be well... =/

| Zena caught a falling star on 10:18 pm.