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Sunday, April 11, 2004


I've just received a friend's baptism testimonial. He sent it to a couple of friends in witness of his testimony for his Baptism today, on Easter Sunday, which is also the day which Jesus was resurrected, 3 days after his cruxificion.
He talks of what has happened since the time he was born, and he asks the all crucial question of 'Why are we here? What is the meaning and purpose of life? Is there a good or bad? Difference between Morality and Law? What is love? Is the supernatural for real? And lastly, does God exist?' Reading his testimony made me tear. Why, you ask? It is brutally honest, and so very touching.

No, I am not a Christian. I supposedly have no religion, and yet I wear a Buddha pendant around my neck, My parents are Buddhists/Taoists. And yet they sent their children to covent schools. My elder sis was in a convent/Catholic schools for 12 years, I was in a convent school for 6 years. I have been to church, went for cell groups, been 'converted' by reading the sinner's prayer umpteen times, had bibles given to me for presents and read them, and yet I'm still no more Christian than I was previously. I've been to temples, read books, had sharing sessions with friends, yet I am no more Buddhist than I previously was.

I just find it so amazing that so many people can be so touched by a spiritual being that it changes their lives. This is a poor analogy, but perhaps it's similar to, say, the 'Hwa Chong Spirit' or the 'Cedar School Spirit'. Once you're touched by it, you know the feeling and you feel as if you want to always maintain that feeling.

Why do we need religion? Do EACH of us have a void in ourselves that has to be filled by religion? What makes religion so exclusive such that that void seems to have a tagboard saying 'religion only'? Can't it be filled by anything else? Why do we need to believe in anything at all? Why can't we believe in ourselves - that WE make things happen, not the higher beings above? Why do we need to believe that there is actually someone, a high being, far more superior to us, that is watching over us? Why are we told stories of heaven and hell, salvation and damnation, good and evil, right or wrong? Is it to teach us, to educate us, to scare us, or to enlighten us ignorant fools?

Why need people believe in 'God' or 'Fate'? Yuan2 Fen4 seems to be omnipotent in our quest for explaining why things go wrong even if we do things right. Many a time, we receive inspiring emails about the wonders of God, the rules of being happy, satisfaction, how not to be down when things don't go our wa, how to be happy for the things we are given.

I guess what I'm trying to say is 'how do we know when to believe in what?' How can you believe in something so wholeheartedly, someone which you cannot see, or even begin to fathom? I am trained as a scientist, therefore I am trained to look for cold hard facts that state the evidence of presence of the being. People say: just look around you and you can already see the wonders of God. I say, is this done by God or by someone else? Why should we attribute something to someone, just becoz people say so? Becoz the bible says so?

Damn it, more questions come about, instead of answering my own questions. I just have a myraid of thoughts rushing around in my head, and it's getting nowhere. Many a time, I've been asked this question, and each time, my answer evolves: from I don't believe that there is a higher being, to I believe that there is a higher being, but I am not sure if it is Jesus. It may be the Buddhist gods, or Allah, or the Hindu gods. Whoever it is, I absolutely abhor people who slag off other people's religions while trying to promote their own. A good friend once told me something precious: 'It doesn't matter what religion you are in, but it is how you live your life to that expectations that counts.'

Hmm... makes sense?