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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
I just borrowed this book, wondering what the big hoo-ha of several years ago is. Just started reading it, and thought I'd do a reflective piece on it, based on some excerpts from every chapter.
Chapter 1: Mr Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee
A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
... achieving goals is a way to prove his competence and this feel good about himself. And for him to feel good about himself he must achieve these goals by himself... pride themselves on doing things all by themselves. Autonomy is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence.
He keeps his problems to himself unless he requires help from another to find a solution. Asking for help when you can do it yourself is perceived as a sign of weakness.
Offering advice is the ultimate insult. ... always assume he can solve his problem unless he is asking for help.
This is for Martians, aka the male species. Is it true? I think so. I can think of at least 1 person right now who fits that absolutely. Previously posing as an enigma to me, and now I've stopped wondering why he is the way he is.
A woman's sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
... are very intuitive. They have developed this ability of anticipating the needs and feelings of others. A sign of great love is to offer help and assistance to another without being asked.
... firmly believe that when something is working it can always work better. Their nature is to want to improve things. When they care about someone, they freely point out what can be improved and suggest how to do it.
Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.
I think women are innately like that. It is as it was in the beginning, and now it will be.
Moral of the story...
A woman greatly appreciates Mr Fix-It, as long as he doesn't come out when she is upset. Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about problems is not the time to offer solutions; instead she needs to be heard , and gradually she will feel better on her own. Listen whenever a woman speaks, with the sole intention of respectfully understanding what she is going through. She does not need to be fixed.
A man greatly appreciates the home-improvement committee, as long as it is requested. Women need to remember that unsolicited advice or criticism - especially if he has made a mistake - make him feel unloved and controlled. He needs her acceptance more than her advice, in order to learn from his mistakes. When a man feels that a woman is not trying to improve him, he is much more likely to ask for her feedback and advice.
Makes sense? =p